Tuesday, December 14, 2010

This week's Pistol progress

Slow fire. So I'm working specifically on trigger control. I honestly think it's helping. The first 10 shots on this target landed 8 in the black and only 2 in the 4-6 rings. As you can see, that's when fatigue seems to set in. Still a tighter pattern than last week and NO fliers outside the rings. It's progress. OK, so I suspect the new RedDot scope probably helped a little too. 

Rapid fire, interesting how many double shots in there. Timed fire

Saturday, December 04, 2010

Getting ready for the Holidays..

He laid her on the table.
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat.
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck.
Then felt her breast.
Then drooling, felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set.
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide.......
He looked inside.
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands.
And stretched his arms.......
And then he stuffed the turkey.
May I be the first to wish your dirty little mind a merry Christmas.

Barbie's Letter to Santa

Listen you fat little troll,
I've been helping you out every year, playing at being the perfect Christmas present, wearing skimpy bathing suits in frigid weather, and drowning in fake tea from one too many tea parties, and I hate to break it to ya Santa, but IT'S DEFINITELY PAYBACK TIME! There had better be some changes around here by next Christmas, or I'm gonna call for a nationwide meltdown and trust me, you won't wanna be around to smell it. So, here's my holiday wish list:
1. A nice, comfy pair of sweat pants and a frumpy, oversized sweat shirt. I'm sick of looking like a hooker. How much smaller are these bathing suits gonna get? Do you have any idea what it feels like to have nylon and Velcro crawling up your butt?
2. Real underwear that can be pulled on and off.
Preferably white. What bonehead at Mattel decided to cheap out and MOLD imitation underwear to my skin?!? It looks like cellulite!
3. A REAL man...maybe G.I. Joe.
Hell, I'd take Tickle-Me Elmo over that wimped-out excuse for a boyfriend Ken. And what's with that earring anyway? If I'm gonna have to suffer with him, at least make him and me anatomically correct.
4. Arms that actually bend so I can push the aforementioned Ken-wimp away once he is anatomically correct. 
5. Breast reduction surgery. I don't care whose arm you have to twist, just get it done.
6. A jogging bra. To wear until I get the surgery.
7. A new career. Pet doctor and school teacher just don't cut it. How about a systems analyst? Or better yet, an advertising account exec.
8. A new, more 90's persona. Maybe "PMS Barbie", complete with a miniature container of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and a bag of chips "Animal Rights Barbie", with my very own paint gun, outfitted with a fake fur coat and handcuffs or "Stop Smoking Barbie", sporting a removable Nicotrol patch and equipped with several packs of gum.
9. No more McDonald's endorsements.
The grease is wrecking my vinyl.
10. Mattel stock options. It's been 37 years. I think I deserve it.
Ok, Santa, that's it.
Considering my valuable contribution to society, I don't think these requests are out of line. If you disagree, then you can find yourself a new bimbo doll for next Christmas.
It's that simple.
Yours truly, Barbie

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Rhinebeck Sheep and Wool

The festival was great. I've been away long enough to be MUCH more objective and made some interesting observations:
-Sherpa's work much harder when periodically fed blackout brownies, fresh hot cider, and lamb barbecue.
-Men never really stop..well...being men. They just look at you running from one shiny pretty to another as if you are a child at DisneyLand. It's spelled C O N D E S C E N D I N G and it's not your best look. Harumph.
-There are obviously NO mirrors to be found in the homes of most knitters. If there were they would NEVER be caught dead in some of those getups. Seriously...WHAT were you THINKING?!
-Don't wear a tophat with antlers and flowers on it and expect me not to stare. When you look at me indignantly and ask 'what are you looking at?' don't be surprised when I raise my voice and say 'Hey Lady! You got HORNS on your HAT!' you see, I can turn and walk away and the people surrounding us aren't looking at ME.
-Only a newby knitter would dare wear her first cabled sweater to stand in a line composed of other knitters and WAIT for anything. Darling, we have naught to do but count your cable errors and dropped stitches.
-It is extremely effective to peruse online to figure out what the current feeding frenzy item will be and who is selling it...so that you can head in the opposite direction to scoop up the real finds in peace and solitude.
-Men are soooooooooooooo easy to buy for. You stand them 15-20 feet away from a wall of choices, they point in a general direction and tell you a general color i.e. brown, blue, red ..as opposed to turquoise, chartreuse, sienna. You choose 3 options in their general color choice and bring one skein of each and they decide which they prefer up close and in the sunlight. and...DONE. 5 minutes at MOST.
-Let the diddle-heads spend all day holding skeins to their face IN THE DARK BUILDING no less to see which color brings out the blush in their cheek. Those of us who have made more than a potholder know damn good and well that the color you see now will a. change in the sunlight and b. fade in the first few washes.
-when some 'primitive purist' idiot starts on about how 'all these modern gadgets just do NOT exist in my world!' Wish her well in her world and leave. It's not worth the breath- TRUST ME.
-I am NOT impressed that you can knit without looking while leaning against the building in a prominent spot, wearing everything you knit in the past year (which looks like you didn't look while you were knitting BTW). I AM impressed at the woman who got her husband to take the squirming, screaming 3 year old to the animal exhibits while mommy uses the stroller as a giant shopping basket.
-Do not try to convince me that you actually LOVE the odor of Eau De Ram wafting off that fleece you want me to buy. This is not my first rodeo, you clown! I KNOW that vinegar will not remove that smell within the next decade and I don't care to be followed around by ewes.
-Do not...I repeat DO. NOT. expect to eat that chocolate dipped banana without drawing the gaze, snigger and outright guffaws of every adult near you. DO NOT be surprised when your photo performing fellatio on a big brown "banana" shows up on Facebook.
-If you are over the age of 50, have all white hair that you wear long, straight and unstyled, wear gauze skirts and desert boots and carry a huge hobo bag, please do not sit at the feet of the Peruvian music group and ogle their long hair and crotches. No matter how 'mystical' you find it, it makes them really nervous.
-If you are under the age of 25 (but older than 12), do not expect women who have spun the fine yarn, developed the complex cable pattern, and knit their jacket on size 1 needles to be impressed with your scarf and unshaped hand warmers that you spent 2 hours knitting out of LionBrand Super chunky yarn. Just don't.
-it is not true that dressing like a beatnik makes you look 40 years younger. No one wanted to see that view of your ass, trust me.
-it is also not true that everything matches as long as every piece is knitted in some type of variated yarn. Some things are so bad that they simply cannot be unseen.
-Do not try to impress me with your knowledge of 'all things sheep' after you just looked at my bag of raw wool and asked "what do you call that again?"
-If you raise Alpaca but do not take the effort to REALLY learn about Alpaca fiber, do not stand there and argue with me that YOUR Alpaca fiber is "finer than cashmere". I will choose not to resist the temptation to start pulling out not only the coarse guard hairs but the outright KEMP to be found in your yarn!
-Do not stand in a crowded sale barn, surrounded on every side by wool and proclaim that you are so allergic to "real" wool that you break out in hives at 30 feet. I will stare at your face and start asking 'WOW! did you have those welts when you left home? Trust me, I'm a nurse, I'd have that checked right away if I were you.' You leaving the building to examine your face will make more room for the rest of us.

Other than that...it was a perfectly lovely day. :)

Sunday, March 21, 2010


Message to all the talking heads who are working sooooo hard to villainize the Health Insurance companies and force socialized medicine down our throats...when you make health insurance MANDATORY, just WHO do you think will profit? ...maybe the companies who sell it? ya think?
And when the govt contracts out the socialized portion just as they do Medicare and Medicaid...just WHO do you think will run it?....maybe the companies who do so now? ya think?
You call it socialized medicine...I call it job security. 

Wednesday, March 03, 2010

I love AMAZON!!!

I believe in shouting to the rooftops when I get good service and Amazon just blew me away!  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my Kindle for reading. Even in a marketplace of cheaper competitors for e-readers, I find Amazon to have WAY more variety of books, mags, newspapers and even text books. But my Kindle is my baby. Well, my baby took a fall and broke. :( Being totally my fault, I put off contacting Amazon because I figured I was going to pay a pretty penny to get it fixed.  Here is the good part: not only is a fall covered under the basic one year warranty, but they are sending me a new kindle FIRST along with a shipping label to return the broken one! No questions asked, no hassle, no COST.  HOLY MOLY! I love outstanding service! 

Sunday, February 07, 2010

Three Reported Missing After Animal Rights Activists Take "War on Leather" to Motorcycle Gang Rally.

Three Reported Missing After Animal Rights Activists Take "War on Leather" to Motorcycle Gang Rally.

Johnstown, PA: Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers "duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters," according to police officials.
"Something just went wrong," said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong."
The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, "growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats," decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event "in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats." "In fact," said the organizer. "Motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it . . . Ergo, they should stop."
According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960's era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting "you're murderers" to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began. They peed on me!!!" charged one activist. "They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me 'La Trene', and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!"
"I . . . I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket. And, he . . . he didn't even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, 'You can't prove that.' Next thing I know is he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and not left me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman."
Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers "farted on their heads."
Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed "surprise" at the allegations.
"That's preposterous," said one high ranking member of the biker organizing committee. "We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome."
When confronted with the allegations of force feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and 'farting on their heads,' the organizer declined to comment in detail. "That's just our secret handshake," assured the organizer.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Military Life

  Marine Corps Rules:

  1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
  2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
  3. Have a plan.
  4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably  won't work.
  5. Be polite.  Be professional.  But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
  6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'
  7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice.  Ammo is cheap.  Life is expensive.
  8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
  9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible.  Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win.  The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics.  They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL's Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Adjust Speedo.
4. Check hair in mirror.

US  Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.

US  Army Rules:

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra  coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly.

US  Air Force Rules:

  1. Have a cocktail.
  2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
  3. See what's on HBO.
  4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'
  5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
  6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry executives.
  7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble  assets.
  8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them  operationally.
  9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.
10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close enough to have tax exemption.

( And I Love This Next One)

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Deploy Marines

Go  Navy!

And the next ... (You've got to love the Navy, and God bless them all.)

U.S. Navy Directive 16134 (Inappropriate T-Shirts).

The following directive was issued by the commanding officer of all naval installations in the Middle East. (It was obviously directed at the Marines.)

To:  All Commands Subject: Inappropriate T-Shirts
Ref: ComMidEast For Inst 16134//24  K

All commanders promulgate upon receipt.
The following T-shirts are no longer to be worn on or off base by any military or civilian personnel serving in the Middle East:

1.   'Eat Pork or Die'  [both English and Arabic versions]
2.  'Shrine Busters' [Various.  Show burning minarets or bomb/artillery shells impacting Islamic shrines.  Some with unit  logos.]
3.  'Napalm, Sticks Like Crazy'  [Both English and Arabic versions]
4.  'Goat - it isn't just for breakfast any more.'  [Both English and Arabic versions]
5.  'The road to Paradise begins with me.'  [Mostly Arabic versions, but some in English.  Some show sniper scope  cross-hairs.]
6.  'Guns don't kill people.  I kill people.'  [Both  Arabic and English  versions]
7.  'Pork.  The other white meat.'  [Arabic version]
8.  'Infidel' [English, Arabic and other coalition force languages.]

The above T-shirts are to be removed from Post Exchanges upon receipt of this directive.  In addition, the following signs are to be removed  upon receipt of this message:

1. 'Islamic Religious Services Will Be Held at the Firing Range at 0800 Daily.'
2. 'Do we really need 'smart bombs' to drop on these dumb bastards?'

All commands are instructed to  implement sensitivity training upon receipt  

Amazing Navy logic ... sensitivity training in a combat  zone.